Jokes

Dilbert on fixing computers :)

Posted by Admin on March 13, 2009
Jokes, Personal / No Comments
Dilbert on fixing computers.

Dilbert, on fixing computers.

Investment Advice

Posted by Admin on October 09, 2008
Jokes, WTF? / No Comments

Subject: Investment advice even I understand!

  • If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  • With Enron, you would have $16.50 left.
  • With World Com, you would have less than $5 left.
  • But if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling, the REFUND would have been $214.


Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

It’s called the 401-Keg…..

Dogs and Cats: Diaries

Posted by Admin on April 06, 2008
Jokes, Personal / No Comments

** Excerpts from a Dog’s Diary **

8:00 am – Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am – A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am – A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am – Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm – Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm – Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm – Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm – Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm – Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm – Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm – Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

** Excerpts from a Cat’s Diary **

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today , I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of, however, they merely made condescending comments about what a “good little hunter” I am.

Bastards!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of “allergies.” I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow — but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released – and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe… For now…

Political commentary

Posted by Admin on November 06, 2006
Jokes, Personal / Comments Off on Political commentary

While I debate the effectiveness of a bumper sticker on a motorcycle, I dig the l33t 5p3@k.

Political Commentary

STDs

Posted by Admin on July 21, 2006
Jokes / Comments Off on STDs

The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of Sexually Transmitted Disease. The disease is contracted through dangerous and high-risk behavior.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim and pronounced “gonna re-elect him.” Many victims contracted it in 2004, after having been screwed for the past four years.

Naturalists and epidemiologists are amazed at how this destructive disease originated only a few years ago from a bush found in Texas.